Web Banner Woes

Sep 12, 2012  |  By Civilian  |  

Dear Digital Marketers,

I have a bone to pick with you.  There I was, sitting on my couch, browsing through my Facebook feed, when I saw it.  Your web banner.  I know you inundate my page with art and offers, but this one was different. It was unique. It was beautiful. It was like I was staring at the one thing that would complete me- or at least my wardrobe.

There on the right side of my screen, 4.25 inches down, was the most perfect, stunning, fantastic pair of shoes I had ever seen.  All of your demographic “creeping”  had finally paid off, for you and me, because you had found for me the exact thing that I did not realize I had been missing for my entire life.  You found my bliss.  These weren’t just shoes- these were THE shoes.  They were already a part of me.

Instantly my mind started racing with infatuation for these perfectly designed 3.5 inch stiletto heels as I thought about all of the clothing items in my closet eagerly awaiting these incredible shoes arrival to finally accomplish the mission of completing the perfect outfit ensemble.  So with giddiness and glee I enthusiastically clicked your web banner.

I spent nearly seven minutes of my life clicking, and typing, and making up passwords that require more complicated settings than my personal bank account, taking style quizzes, giving you my email (not even my spam account, my good email!) until finally I would reach the promised land of being able to purchase my shoes; I risked carpal tunnel to type quickly enough to purchase before they sold out.  But it was worth it.  This was in the name of the perfect pair of shoes.

Now after all of this effort and pent-up excitement, imagine my disappointment when I could not find my pair of shoes anywhere on your website.  After scrolling through pages of your “suggestions”, my shoes that I so fervently clicked on were nowhere to be found.  Oh, the humanity!

Not only did you once post this image that so seductively lured me in, now you continue to post the same banner ad every day, and on multiple sites.  Why do you taunt me so! What did I ever do to you besides help you boost your PPC by clicking on your banners?

I conclude with this plea:  Dear Digital Marketers, please take me to the shoes on which I am compelled to click.  Please, help me help you turn your banners into revenue.  Let’s work together.  It’s for the shoes.



Shoeless Sarah

Sarah Matley
Account Services Coordinator
Mood: Dramatic

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